1) Bad News (Words and Music by Fuego/Brint)
Brian Produces

Bad news, bad news, bad news
For you and you and you and you and you
Bad news, bad news, bad news
For you and you and you and you and you

Can't you see, devil woman
Don't you know, blood lust
Don't you see, screaming virgins
Don't you know, megawatt winged avenger

Bad news, bad news, bad news
For you and you and you and you and you
Bad news, bad news, bad news
For you and you and you and you and you

Colin Grigson

Spider Webb

Bad news, bad news, bad news
For you and you and you and you and you
Bad news, bad news, bad news
For you and you and you and you and you

Den Dennis.... Yeah?
Den.... What?
It's your break... Oh, sorry?

Vim Fuego

Bad news, bad news, bad news
For you and you and you and you and you
Bad news, bad news, bad news
For you and you and you and you and you

Can't you see, heavy rainbow
Can't you hear, metal fury
Can't you see, demon lager
Don't you know, blood lust paranoid metal

2) Masturbike (Words and Music by Dennis/Fuego/Grigson/Webb)

Fires of hell, doomsday bell
Prison cell, bloody hell
On my masturbike

See the cat, on the mat
See the cat, it has shat
Look out we're going to hell

Eat my brain, go insane
Eat my brain, go insane
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!

Ride the rat, nightmare man
Ride the rat, pick up the fucking beat
On my masturbike

Fucking cunt (what's that)
Fucking cunt, fucking cunt
Spider is a fucking cunt
Goodbye radio 1

Lick my hump, kiss my stump
Burst my lump, bloody pump
Look out we're going to hell

Eat my brain eat my brain
Eat my brain eat my brain
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!

Keep playing
Anyone know the lyrics to this bit?
Keep playing everybody and stop complaining

Hello Bill, Chernobyl
I feel ill, hospitil
On my masturbike

Right, am I speeding up
We've finished
That's the end
Oh sorry

3) Drink Till I Die (Words and Music by Dennis/Fuego/Grigson/Webb)

Give me another drink, mister bartender
If you don't I'm gonna stick your dick in a blender
Coz I, oh I
I'm going to drink till I die
I'm going to drink till I die

All I wanna do is drink as much as I can
That's why I'm a member of a heavy metal band
Coz I, oh I
I'm going to drink till I die
I'm going to drink till I die

Lager makes me happy
Vodka makes me mean
I'm a heavy metal drinking driving alcohol machine
Listen to me drinking
Drinky drinky drink
Listen to me when I go blehhhhhhhgh!

I, oh I
I'm going to drink till I die
I'm going to drink till I die

I get up in the morning drink a bottle of gin
40 pints of lager and a babycham
Coz I, oh I
I'm going to drink till I die
I'm going to drink till I die

Oh stop, it's ghastly

4) Hey Hey Bad News (Words and Music by Fuego/Grigson/Webb)

Two three four
We are the four horsemen of the rock apocalypse
Leaders and saviours of the wild ride to oblivion and ecstasy
Good, now we four are met let us free the universe with our own peculiar brand of heavy metal

Ladies and gentleman, the worst rock'n'roll band in the universe
BAD NEWS!

Are you ready to rock
Because we are Bad News
We're very metal
We've got nothing to lose
So let me hear you say Hey!

Hey Hey Bad News (fuck off Bad News)
Hey Hey Bad News (fuck off Bad News)
(fuck off Bad News)
Hey Hey Bad News (fuck off Bad News)

Hey, you're looking good
Stop throwing things
We're all having fun
You gotta kick away the blues
So sing Hey Hey Bad News

Hey Hey Bad News (fuck off Bad News)
(fuck off Bad News)
Hey Hey Bad News (fuck off Bad News)
Hey Hey (fuck off Bad News)

No, we won't go
This is metal
And we are never gonna die never gonna die never gonna die
We're so heavy
Heavy metal
And we are never gonna die never gonna die never gonna die

(fuck off Bad News)
(fuck off Bad News)
(fuck off Bad News)
(fuck off Bad News)

Fuck you

Are you ready to rock
Are you ready to roll
Oh god this is stupid
This happens at every fucking gig we play

Just sing Hey Hey Bad News

(fuck off Bad News)
Hey Hey (fuck off Bad News)
(fuck off Bad News)
That fucking nearly hit me(fuck off Bad News)
(fuck off Bad News)
Do that again (fuck off Bad News)
(fuck off Bad News)
(fuck off Bad News)
You fucking morons
Fuck you

5) Warriors Of Gengis Khan (Words and Music by Dennis/Fuego/Webb)

I'm a warrior, the blood won't wash away
I'm a warrior, I'll kill myself one day

Burning looting raping and a-shooting
Burning looting raping and a-shooting
Burning looting raping and a-shooting
Burning looting raping and a-shooting
All this I do (what) I'd kill for you

Come on pretty baby won't you take my hand
Come and kiss the singer in a rock'n'roll band
Baby baby baby baby baby
I want to see your blood all over the land

All this I do (what) I'd kill for you

I'm a warrior (warrior) of Gengis Khan
I'm a warrior (warrior) of Gengis Khan
I'm a warrior (warrior) the blood won't wash away
I'm a warrior (warrior) I'll kill myself one day

6) Bohemian Rhapsody (Words and Music by Freddie Mercury)
Brian produces and plays guitar on b-side

Come along, let's do the rumty-tumty bismillah business
Then we can all get off home and get some kip
I've got to be up at work in at the bank at 9:30

Mama, I just killed a man,
I put a gun up to his head,
I pulled a trigger, now he's dead,
Mama, life had just begun,
But now I've gone and thrown it all away
Mama ooo,
I don't want to die,
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all

I see a little silhouetto of a man,
Scaramouche, scaramouche will you do the Fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning, very very frightening me
Galileo,Galileo,
Galileo Galileo
Galileo figaro, Magnifico
Easy come easy go, will you let me go
Bismillah! No, we will not let you go, let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go, let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go, let me go
Will not let you go, let me go
Will not let you go let me go
No, no, no, no absolutely not
Mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me

No

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye
So you think you can love me and leave me to die
Oh baby, can't do this to me baby
I just gotta get out, I just gotta get right outta here

Nothing really matters,
Anyone can see,
Nothing really matters, nothing ever happens to me,

Right, I thought that was good
I thought that was pretty good
Yes, I thought it was very good
Blow Queen of the fucking stage
Absolutely

7) Life With Brian (Music by Vim Fuego, Spider Webb and Brian May)
Brian giutar

No Lirics

8) Pretty Woman (Words and Music by Orbison/Dees)

Come along then, let's play....
Why do we have to be playing Pretty Woman
We don't even know the lyrics to Pretty Woman

Yeah, you just go Pretty Woman a lot, don't you?

Pretty woman, walking down the street
Pretty woman, kind of girl I'd meet
Pretty woman, la la la pretty woman

Pretty woman, walking down the street
Pretty woman, walking down the street
Pretty woman, walking down the street
Pretty woman, walking down the street
Oh pretty woman, walking down the street
Oh pretty woman, walking down the street
Probably getting quite tired now, done such a lot of walking
Fucking woman keeps on walking down the fucking street

Oh look, do we have to have the swear words

Woman, pretty woman, walking down the fucking street (keep it clean)
Woman, woman, walking down the beep street
Why's she walking down the street

Pretty woman

Bass break (keep playing)

Pretty woman
Pretty woman
Pretty woman
Ugly woman, walking down the street
Ugly woman, probably Colin Grigson's girlfriend

But she's probably not Colin Grigson's girlfriend because if she was she'd be much more attractive than that

Oh, I'm bored with that

9) Cashing In On Christmas (Words and Music by Vim Fuego, Colin Grigson, Den Dennis and Spider Webb)
Brian Produces

Cashing on on Christmas
Hear those cash tills ring
Jingle bells make money
Everybody sing

Queuing up at Woolworths to get our christmas hits
We're after peace and love and joy and jingle bells on it
This is our Christmas single, please make it number one
And give us all your money, to make our christmas fun

Cashing on on Christmas
Hear those cash tills ring
Jingle bells make money
Everybody sing

Cos we are rocking
Every christmas we're rocking
Say Santa Claus and we are rocking
Oh jingle bells and we're rocking
Well every Christmas we are rocking
We're rocking all the way to the bank

Cashing on on Christmas
Hear those cash tills ring
Jingle bells make money
Everybody sing

I want to wake up on Christmas morning with the snow all over the ground
There's Bad News's Christmas single in my stocking
It only cost just over a pound

Hello, this is Den Dennis. I hope you're all having a very merry Christmas. This is our Christmas single, please buy it and make it number one. All our Christmas fun

Hello everybody, it's Vim Fuego here. Sorry I can't be with you this Christmas but I'm in the Carribean with all your money, having a good drink and a laugh. Have a lot of fun, merry Christmas

Cashing in on Christmas
Christmas girls and boys
Cashing in on Christmas
Let's make lots of noise

Cos we are rocking
Every christmas we're rocking
Say Santa Claus and we are rocking
Oh jingle bells and we're rocking
Well every Christmas we are rocking
We're rocking all the way to the bank

Cashing in on Christmas
Christmas girls and boys
Cashing in on Christmas
Let's make lots of noise

Hello everyone, this is Colin Grigson. Please give as generously as you can to Bad News this Christmas because, remember, there are people in the world who are much better at spending your money that you are, and that's us. Ha ha ha, merry Christmas.

Cashing in on Christmas
Christmas girls and boys
Cashing in on Christmas
Let's make lots of noise

Hello, I'm Spider Webb.

No credit cards thank you, and no cheques, just cash, thankyou. More and more cash.